The New Normal

One of my favorite moments is when you are sitting at the terminal, your packed bags are somewhere meandering down a series of conveyor belts in the unknown behind-the-scenes "Narnia" of the airport and you are forced to be present. People watching is at an all time high and your eyes are absorbing all the sights and sounds of the passengers passing by your side. You fill me with joy in your presence - Psalm 16:11 It is that delightful anticipation, where you wait in hope and prepare for a new adventure. You step away from normal.

I miss that moment.

Anytime we step out of comfort, there is this excitement - I am taking a risk and daring to do something that is not characteristic of the normal me. I am stepping away from easy, from comfortable, from the sidewalk and walking on a new road full of danger and possibility. But maybe that is me? Maybe for me, my new normal is jumping on a 7hr bus ride to Lira Northern Uganda, filled with loud ugandan travelers and even chickens walking down the rubber floored aisle. Where people jab sticks of hot cooked pork on a stick into your window wanting you to buy some from them, and you politely decline and laugh to yourself because you are a vegetarian who hasn't eaten meat in over 14 years, let alone had meat shoved into your face while traveling! This is the new normal, my new sidewalk.

Looking out at the Nile River from the window on a crowded bus in Uganda. 

What is comfort? Well now comfort for me is sitting with a child soldier who has been forced to kill her own parents, but chooses to rejoice because she has been forgiven. The child who chooses to dance with her heart in abandonment to her Redeemer who loves her without ceasing. The child who teaches ME how to dance. Together we are dancing to the beat of redemption, to the reality that God has rescued us both from pain, from suffering and from chains that enslave us.

Siyahamba ekukhanyen kwenkhos, Siyahamb ekukhanyen kwenkhos - 
We are marching for the light of the Lord. We are marching for the light of the Lord. 

Dancing with Judith, former child soldier and girl who I support in school. 

I am free to dance, free to move, free to express my heart in loud song, because I am surrounded by children 
who don't judge, who just accept, who just love you unconditionally as we are meant to be loved. The children
that went through all the hell and fire of war, have been purified, have been saved and now they march in a new light,
marching in a new normal. These children are teaching me what this new normal is - the normal that any pain, any
amount of suffering we bear on our necks, any sin, any crime, any fault can be forgiven.

Shouldn't our normal and our posture always be one of love? Even if it's hard, even if it feels like it's going against 

the grain, can't we always make the choice to love? These children, the very ones that were forced by LRA 
commanders to kill, are choosing to love even their enemies.

This is normal. I'll repeat it again... 

LOVE IS NORMAL. 

FORGIVENESS IS NORMAL.

PATIENCE IS NORMAL.

THIS IS NORMAL. I want normal to look like this in my life, that even when I'm hurt by a relationship or a person 
or anything, that I choose to love them, even if it's my worst enemy, I will choose my normal to be one of constant love. I will fail,
as we all will, but I know that I can be forgiven. I look at these 5 -18 year olds and watch as they turn the other cheek,
and accept the blow. They are models of Jesus and an ever present model of living His love on earth. Their new Normal is 
loving, forgiving and having patience with people. Children of War are now Children of Peace in Uganda because they have 
exchanged their painful past for a joyful present. There is nothing normal about being abducted at age 7 by a warlord and being
 forced to kill, mame, rape, pillage, burn, lie, steal, cheat - I will never be able to understand why or how that had to happen, but
 I want to see the good in all of it. The good that I can see, is children rising up like the sun to be peace ambassadors that come
from one of the most broken backgrounds and yet they build structures of hope, with reconciled pieces of wood. Sounds a lot like
Jesus doesn't it? Where two pieces of wood, the cross, became a symbol of victory. I can tell you, surviving the war in Uganda, 
became a symbol of victory for these children. And it should be a symbol of victory that world peace is possible.

Our history Ends with the cross; our new story begins with the awakening of Jesus and with our awakening to the reality of his love 
in our life! I so clearly see and understand the gospel when I see children of war, made new and made whole again. They still 
have nail scarred hands. They have machete wounds and some of them even have bullets still in their bodies, but that doesn't
cause bitterness, it instead compels them to love, to forgive, and live new normal lives treating others as they want to be treated. 

I am sure I have gone through trauma hearing these stories of pain. It's hard to block your heart from the reality of the stories these
children tell, but the real story that I hear when I listen to them, their stories I record, are stories that change people from the inside out. 
Stories that reveal the true nature of a loving and forgiving God. Stories that cause you to wonder - can I have this freedom in my life? 
Can I seek good all of my days? Can I find hope, even when I'm in a battlefield of despair? 

The answer is, you can. You have the opportunity and ability to forgive, to love, to accept and it is yours for the taking. 
You can walk in this light, and have your new normal be Loving others FIRST before yourself. I am still learning how to do that,
but the more time I spend with these kids, they as my teachers help me understand this new normal. The normal that God wants for 
our lives, the normal that God created us to be. 

A normal -  of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control.

- Galations 5:22

I think life would be much more of an adventure and exciting if our normal was living like this every day. 
It would be just like being at an airport waiting for a new journey to begin. But the destination is unknown, 
your packed bags are behind you, and you are free and ready and willing to go actively love someone 
without hesitation. 

I am grateful for my short 5 weeks in Lira, Uganda that changed my normal. It's hard to sit in comfortable California
and miss these amazing children, but the truth is my true comfort is in the arms of orphans of war, in the arms
of the Lord knowing I am accepted and I am loved. It doesn't matter where I am, as long as I keep loving people
as I have been loved, with a love that never fails. 

As the Children of Peace Uganda speak let these words they chose resonate with you and remind you,
all things work for Good. Hope, Patience, Love, Freedom, End Child Soldiering, Forgive.

Leaving & Returning to Lira

RESTORE. REDEEM. and RETURN the LOVE you RECEIVE.

 As I'm preparing for another trip to Uganda tonight, it brings me peace to look back and see that everything does happen for a reason, in the right timing, and God is always faithful!

This was my outburst (truly I was a mess!) of trying to process emotions on my flight back to Los Angeles from Uganda at the end of July 2012.

- July 23rd, 2012 -
" It's like an uncontrollable joy, just pouring out of me. I FEEL LOVED. I FEEL LOVE. and for one of the first times in my life, I feel completely empowered and beautiful inside and out. I feel comforted, protected and see God through it all. He is close, he is here, he is the love, the one allowing this story, this adventure I've been praying for to happen. UGANDAAAA. How can I even put into words the amazing journey it has been so far? I pray that these stories, these children live on in my heart, and mind until I see them again. I know I am changed and the past 7 weeks, will change my life FOREVER. These faces, these smiles, the extended hands and warm hearts that invite you into their presence and rejoice over you with singing. LIRA. Love at the core of this place, permeating the town and every story. The LRA came to destroy, but Jesus came to restore. HIS love is shown in Lira, to heal. Former child soldiers walk tall, knowing they live their lives for peace now. God directed my steps, he prepared my heart and revealed to me MY identity in him through listening and learning from these child soldiers of peace. Forgiveness and love at the tips of my lips, ready to share with the world of the courageous war hearts and resilient minds that would rather hold a book, and learn how to read and give clothes to orphans, and defend the broken, than hold guns. These children have shown me more grace, joy, and compassion than any human I've ever met and interacted with.

I want these child solider redemptive stories to reshape and sharpen the minds of people all over the world. If Uganda falls, than these soldier children of peace will be the ones to raise it up. 

Their names fill my head, tears fall down, pour out. I desire peace, but more than that I desire for these lives to LIVE IN PEACE and know THEY ARE LOVED. that they are not to blame for their iniquities, and that we as citizens of the world WILL LOVE and FORGIVE them to our dying days. When people remember the 23 years war, I want them to see Uganda as the pearl of Africa, the only gem that has to suffer to produce BEAUTY. I want people to see beauty, not war-torn faces.

Lord! I pray for redemption in the hearts of the people. I pray EVERY child that needs sponsorship school fees in the community will receive this. That you Lord will raise up the right supporters, teachers and students, and friends to invest in the lives of these children forever. So that, these children will know that people all across the world, all across the oceans are praying for them and LOVE them. With an everlasting love. The biggest encouragement for an orphan (so I've witnessed with my time in Uganda) is having someone ( a neighbor, a friend, a passerby) stop and love and encourage them in a tangible and transformative way - with the gift of education. It's a Neighborhood Watch, where a community (near or far) abroad or next door - takes care of one another.


I pray for more neighbors. I pray we rise up out of our despondency, out of the unfamiliar to come alongside of these children and watch them, console them into a rich and educated and empowered life.


These are the voices of PEACE that the world has yet to hear. 

The stories of a six year old kid named Bernard, who was born in captivity with the LRA rebels and yet has a powerful mind and passion for drawing animals, bananas and things that bring him joy :) 

They are the Voiced voices that will carve new paths of justice in the world. With a tone of love, these children's voices will leave indelible impressions in the earth and those who walk upon it. These children have hope. They have exchanged their hearts of stone for miry clay, for God to remold them once again. To place his loving and powerful hands on the children's hearts and wipe away all stains and breathe life into them again.

This is what the Sovereign LORD says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life. - Ezekiel  37:5

These children speak volumes of truth and justice -- No more Broken Promises. We can Destroy Hunger. I want to be a Leader. We can Change the world! 

/

I think this lyric from Les Mis perfectly narrates this ever unfolding adventure I'm on
of empowering children of war to be peace ambassadors.

Do you hear the people sing Lost in the valley of the night?
It is the music of a people Who are climbing to the light.

For the wretched of the earth. There is a flame that never dies. 
Even the darkest night will end. 
And the sun will rise.

They will live again in freedom. In the garden of the Lord. They will walk behind the plough-share, They will put away the sword. The chain will be broken And all men will have their reward.

Will you join in our crusade? Who will be strong and stand with me?

- Les Miserables 


amen amen. more stories to come!  

Cooking Lessons & Life Lessons in Haiti

 CREATE IN ME A NEW HEART, Renew a right spirit within me. - psalm 51:10

Walking through the center I was introduced to the Haitian workers. This is "Big Eyes", BigEyes? Did I hear that correctly? Yep, they call him Big Eyes. This is Pierre, Margerie, and dozens more. I realized right a way that they were not seen as staff, but as family, and the love they poured into this place, made the Womens programs feel like home. I stepped into the first room and walked directly into a cooking class. Margerie greeted me with "Bonjour, you are most welcome" Again, "welcome" and I felt it too. The Haitian women lined the wall with their white cooking hats perched on their heads. Some of the hats cocked just slightly to the left. Some too small for their braided hairstyles. Dressed in bright and rich Haitain colors and prints, each girl had a white apron tied around their waste, that matched their hats and made them looked like fledgling young chefs in training school like the Cordon Bleu, Haiti style. 

The master chef, told us they were learning how to make brownies. I got several blank stares when I greeted them. I tried to say 'Bounjour' in a way that didn't sound like I hadn't spoken french since 6th grade. I know in time, they would see that I am only here to encourage them, love them. Unlike Uganda though where it's easy to communicate because most know English, the women mainly speak Creole and a bit of French. This is going to be a challenge being in Haiti for sure. But actions speak louder than words, and I want to be here to love every day in action. Because Love.Does. 

I stared with wonder at these dark skinned beautiful women with their backs against colorful walls, dressed up in chef outfits. What an image! Just Beautiful, just stunning girls who have suffered through hardship, pain and suffering and now are united with other women. They are LEARNING, absorbing, listening, and my favorite CREATING.  These women are seen as capable, and they are empowered every time they create something new. To me this cooking class is the perfect example of their lives. They are standing in front of a bowl, given a tool in their hand, and have to have faith that these mixed ingredients will make something better when combined together. These women when I walked in were in the process of learning how to make brownies -- the mixture has to have butter, the salt of the earth, flour as a base, unsweetened chocolate for the bitter and vanilla for the sweet moments, and an egg that holds the ingredients together. A row of  powerful women stand at the counter, stirring their bowl of messy and different ingredients, and don't know what their final product will be. They stir their sorrow and happiness, hard times and good times together, and hope that the result will bring them comfort. They are learning how to create a better story. After putting the mixed bowl of emotions, faith and fear into a pan - these women then delicately place their pans into the oven and they WAIT. They wait in hope. They wait in faith. They wait for strength, and to see if their work was in vein. But in the oven, with time, In the REFINERS FIRE, these ingredients change. This batter surrendered by hands of vulnerable women, takes shape. The miry clay of brownie batter is formed and the sweet aroma of brownies fills the kitchen. Joy begins and the women smell their sweet success!! 

These women who once saw themselves as discarded, broken ingredients now can CREATE. They can bring NEW into the world. Their new hopeful futures, evidence of the Love they labor in. These women, just like their ability to bake brownies from scratch are true examples of love and provide comfort for their families and community. 

These young Haitian women have been through abuse, neglect, and pain that has scarred their bodies, but sometimes those scars, even for some of them the brutal evil of rape, can produce a beautiful healthy baby. And when these women, see themselves as beautiful, that they are the ones who are creating something beautiful and new, whether a plate of brownies after cooking lessons, or a glowing baby boy after hard life lessons - the beauty that these women now hold, remains with them forever. Their identities are sealed, they can LOVE without fear and know they have a valuable part to play their child's survival. The women are learning to be mothers, to be sisters, to be friends - nurturing, caring and gentle. They are learning to be the mothers of the world; of Haiti. These resilient and redeemed women are  lifting their children or future children out of poverty, every time they raise their babies above their heads smiling and kissing their bellies saying, "I love you", "You are mine", "You are precious", "You are Loved by me", "You are safe". Those are the moments when you realize, if we don't have love, we are nothing, only resounding clanging cymbal. But this kind of Love, provides music and provides healing. 

These women are a new generation of Mothers, of Sisters, of Daughters, that are loving themselves, their country, their neighbors, their children, and letting that love heal the broken places in their lives. The love they are pouring out for others, is changing the story of Maternal Health and respect of women in Haiti. 

Run for Life Haiti

Friends, I want you to join me in this story that made me instantly fly to Haiti when I heard it. It was that powerful. 

One man is using his loss to bring gain. Barry McDonald is running 315 miles across Haiti in January to raise funds for a new maternity center in Port au Prince, Haiti. This is the FIRST maternity center in Haiti, and it is no wonder that the maternal mortality rate is 1/87 here. This breaks my heart. This doesn't have to be the story.

We can make a difference and dramatically change maternal health for the world by coming together for this cause. The land has already been purchased for the maternity center, I have walked on it and seen visions of beautiful women holding their healthy babies in their arms. The maternity center will be a refuge for women in Haiti, it will provide vocational training, education, and most of all a safe place for babies to be born.

 To me this story is something of rebirth for Haiti. A new way we can see light, instead of darkness, and hope instead of hurting. We can help Haiti HEAL by providing good health to the mothers who sow love in this place. 

Let us help, let us give. I hope that you will be generous with me. I've given up my normal life and found an adventure that reminds me of what we're capable of, when we LOVE others.

 I flew to Haiti and for a month or more will be working here trying to raise funds and awareness about maternal health in Haiti. It is a blessing, but I need your support!! :) 

www.runforlifehaiti.org 

Respire, Haiti

To the little ones, the girls and orphans in Haiti who never get to see themselves or don't have parents that call them beautiful - I am glad I can be here to help reveal their beauty, and watch their smiles grow. ♥   

Photo taken on an amazing visit to Respire Christian School in Grassier, Haiti 

longer blog post to come. There is Hope in the Haitian children's hearts and minds. 

Surrender.

SURRENDER. This has been a word that has appeared several times this year. 2012 has been a whirl-wind of an adventure from spending the summer in Uganda listening to former child soldiers dreams, designing and being a part of the incredible Global Citizen Festival in New York City for a month that raised 1.3 Billion dollars for the worlds poor, and now a new adventure -- Haiti. I get to do what I love and in the mean time, have to learn to surrender myself for the causes I believe in. Surrender and deny myself realizing it's not about me at all. My designs are not mine alone, my stories are a part of a bigger picture, my life is built to serve God and his people and to do that I have to constantly surrender. Surrender my plans, surrender my stories, surrender my love for this.

It's a hard balance, being a storyteller and wanting to share stories in this day and age when we vie for attention and desperately want to get noticed for the photos and statuses we post, I know that I can get easily get lost in what really matters. This is why I love traveling and finding myself when I'm surrounded by nothing that's familiar. I have been so surprised by how much bright clarity comes when you are focused on serving, loving and pouring into broken people. You realize how broken you are for thinking you can actually complain about your life. We are blessed. We are loved. We have a home and a roof above our heads. We don't have to worry about contracting diseases every time we drink water, we don't have to fear the storms of starvation and famine. And yet, even amidst all of the pain that comes from poverty, there is a rich inheritance of JOY that I haven't found anywhere else. There are children that run to you with this palpable joy and faith in their hopeful eyes that leave me in tears every time. These are the stories I want to share and I want to tell. Not about me, but THEIR STORIES. What is this joy and how do I find it? How can I surrender my life, my plans and live like these children do?

This is my mission and my heart to know how to surrender each day to God's will and his love. To trust him in the details and the larger story that he is weaving together. My plans fail, my words fail, but God's love never fails. He leads me beside still waters and restores my soul. (psalm 23) He also leads me to adventures and places I would never have planned. And as of this week he has lead me to Port-au-Prince, Haiti.

I am steadying my head and my heart to do God's will and love his beautiful broken people in Haiti. Ready to find and learn more of my own brokenness and how can I be the hands and feet of selflessness to the meek that inherit the earth.

I will be sharing many stories of hope, redemption and strength in the coming weeks. I just fill with excitement knowing there are people just aching and waiting to share their stories with us, and that I get to be a part of that.

For the next month I will be focused on raising awareness for maternal health in Haiti. The country has the highest maternal mortality rate, 1 in every 90 women. To me, this doesn't have to be the story. We have medicine, knowledge and tools to help improve women's lives. With a team of people, we are going to really focus and get creative to raise over 800,000 for a new maternity center. I will tell more about our creative plans in the coming days, but for now I will leave you with a number. 315 Miles - the length of Haiti.

315 miles and generous people stand in the gateway of improving maternal health worldwide forever.
Now this is a story I can't wait to be a part of. It is my hope and prayer that my will is surrendered towards this cause and towards loving these women who have been hurting for so long and that I can be a light amidst the places of darkness in Port-au-Prince.

"I have but one candle of life to burn, and I would rather burn it out in a land filled with darkness than in a land flooded with light" — John Keith Falconer

Lira, Uganda_ poem

The joy of children afflicted by war in Uganda. Praising with palm branches.

July 4 - 4:30 am - The Restorative Rain in Uganda

The rain in Uganda sounds like its never going to end, the drops are drenching the verdant land. Giant strokes of lightening illuminate the sky, my eyes get an X-ray vision even when closed the flash is so bright. Thunder rolls across the towns like a lion roaring to restore its kingdom. This rain continues to pour and pour and pour some more. There is so much pain here. Written on peoples faces even though they try to share joy first when greeting you. 

People are hungry not even just starving for food but starving for Hope and for HEALING. Starving to know that Love will rescue them from their impoverished lives. The rain continues to pour. Young single Women with their young children are forced to stand instead of sleeping in the night because they're floors are flooding. Young children hurting from aids HIV and malaria will have trouble breathing.

The rain continues to pour down. I pray it washes away the deep embedded pain in this town. I pray that the water falls and cleanses the darkness And dirt on the hearts and minds of these courageous people. I pray that the Lord will use this rain, to drain any painful memory of their dark pasts. When the LRA sought to destroy and kill, Gods plan was one of redemption and will. He gave these people, his people a story to tell about overcoming darkness and loving your enemies well. The children are standing in the rain, God sending down his manifest shekinah glory erasing their pain. Providing comfort and peace and letting all their suffering decrease. So that these children will stand under the mighty hand of God, these children will stand as peacemakers. These soldiers will put down their guns and instead start chasing the rising son. This rain will empower the voices to grow, with the loud drops falling these children will begin to shout. Their scars will start to fade and doubt will no longer invade, their hearts from seeing from hearing truth. The closer to God these children Will find rest. Drawing closer to God these soldiers will walk in peace. The rain will pour but their cries of suffering will finally cease. And every tear will be wiped from their eyes, these brave children walking with Jesus by their side.